Monday, November 3, 2008

Back in Blog Land with Some Thoughts About My Family

I haven't been updating the blog for a few months due to general craziness in our lives. The story behind the craziness is too painful, convoluted, and long to get into, but it looks like everything is settling out now. So, I wanted to get back into updating the blog and thought I would start with something I wrote a few weeks ago.

It's a series of things that I wish folks that we meet or encounter out and about would understand about my very special family. It's not a rant at anyone specific person or situation, but a general wishlist of things I pray that the world could just "get" about the Edwards' and the thousands of other special needs adoption families. I know I'm largely preaching to the choir among my family and friends, but here goes:

Things I Wish People Would Understand About My Family

1. My children have been through perdition. Just because they are clean, well-fed, charming, and bright when you encounter them doesn't negate all of their memories and all of their feelings about the YEARS when they were in danger. Please don't presume that we should all "just forget about it."

2. My children have difficulty with honest relationships. Trust is a new concept for them. They exploit, manipulate, and deceive because that is what it took to survive. That doesn't make them exploiters, manipulators, or deceivers by definition and it doesn't mean that I'm at fault for their behavior.

3. I am not parenting these children because I couldn't get anything "better". I'm not the parent of sloppy seconds. My children are not a consolation prize for infertility.

4. My infertility is not a judgement against me, some divine sign that I'm really not cut out to be a parent. Please don't presume that there must be something "wrong" with us as a family if we can't make biological babies, and don't assume that I don't have normal mommy feelings and frustrations just because I should be forever "grateful that someone let me raise THEIR CHILDREN."

5. My children will not be who they are right now in 5 months, 5 years, or 5 decades. They are growing and changing. I am growing and changing. Please don't assume that one low point in our life as a family is who we are for all eternity.

6. I am not doing this for the money. You are not entitled to know how much I am "paid" to take care of these children. I don't ask you how much you make at your job, please don't feel like you should get to know how much my children receive in a subsidy. It's THEIR money. Not mine. Not yours.....even if your tax dollars do go towards it.

7. What my children have been through and are going through is not catching. You can't get it by being informed about it, so don't hide in your ignorance because it makes you "sad" to think that children have PTSD, RAD, or other emotional problems. You can't get it by being tolerant, compassionate, or concerned, so don't just write us off as friends, as pupils, or as fellow Christians because our issues seem too big for you.


jessy said...

Hey, K, welcome back. Sorry you were absent for the reasons you were. Hope that is behind you for some time.
Good stuff, here. Keep blogging, I like reading.
Oh, I will happy to design you a personal blog template. Just shoot me your photos and a general idea of what you would like.

ellerbee eight said...

Amen Sister. My friend found your blog and directed me your way. Thank you for putting it so eloquently and succinctly. I look forward to digging into your blog and reading your whole story.